The Loosest Slots in Town

I guarantee there’s enough weirdos out there that he could quit his day job if Al E Gator had an OnlyFans. 

And now, the exciting conclusion of the Maxed-out Major Saga.

tl;dr, I didn't win it.

On Monday, I took that last 20 back to Wild Winds, and spun it away almost immediately. Then I dropped in 40 of the other money I'd brought with me, leading to an absolutely epic run lasting almost 3 hours in which bonus after bonus I played my way up to 420 dollars (Blaze it!), which turned out to ironically signal the similarities of drug addiction and gambling addiction as I not only spun it all away, but spun away the rest of the money in my pocket too. Worse, the cashier who kept my Coke refilled that whole time didn't get any kind of tip.

Tuesday I went back with a hundred dollars, and it was gone in 10 minutes. Today, Friday, I did the same. I've seen the Green fireball twice, but haven't been able to convert it. Not being able to get to the bank over the weekend/holiday with be a money-saving blessing. Here's hoping someone wins it and has a Merry Christmas, but not if they win it on the minimum 50 cent bet, because then it pro-rates down to like 600 I think.

Al E. Gator's OF is LyleLyleSexydile, if anyone wants to toss a few bucks his way.

For all the jokes here about "Keno Parlors", I really don't play that much keno. Watching the numbers fill in just holds no interest for me. Keno is for when I only have a couple of bucks, and I can play for a little while at 25 cents a spin.

But the South Dakota Lottery does have one keno game which holds the holy grail of wins. On most games, as I've mentioned, the max possible win is $1000. (See "maxed out" Major, above.) But "Bullfroggin" has a loophole in its bonus games. They aren't "free games", they're "bonus games", which means they cost the same as a regular spin. But the multiplier builds, and you can keep earning bonus spins, so you can eventually be earning 20x, 30x or more per spin. As long as you have enough money to keep playing the bonus spins, you can build up to wild jackpots. And while you usually will only get 1, 2, 3 extra spins, 10, 25, and 50 are on the table.

Why am I telling you all this? I think you can guess. Today I finally hit 50 bonus spins on the one machine at Black Diamond I hadn't already won a thousand-dollar prize on. I managed to get it up to a 50x multiplier, but the damn thing rooked me on the last 10-15 spins. (Even just three matches would have paid $100.) Instead of the $3000 win that I'd heard rumors of, I "only" won...



$1666. Easily the most I've ever won at a single session. (The closing animation went to fast, so I didn't get the multiplied pay table in the shot, unfortunately.)

Also the largest tip I'd ever given. The cashier (one of the regulars) got $166, leaving me a nice even $1500. This is what it looks like in 20s:



Can't even close my wallet. I took the $1500 straight to the bank, and still have $60 in case I want to go check out Maxed-Out Major later this weekend.

Or maybe this is a fine coda on a 12-year gambling career? It started in 2012 with a cash advance on a credit card there at Black Diamond, maybe I'll let it end there too.



But don't bet on it.

From the Powerball website:



I guaran-fucking-tee you that this means the billion dollar prize goes to California...again. It's fucking fixed.

(Lottery tickets were my dad's gambling vice; the jones runs in the family apparently. I don't usually buy, but I bought 3 tickets for Saturday.)

Have any of you degens considered taking your talents to day trading the stock market?

More like Dave and Busted, lol.