Food Talk

Done.  And an extra de-kudo because you don't get to request such things; they have to come organically.

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as opposed to your mom, who comes orgasmically




1st your mom of hundreds for the new year, let's do this!

and by this, i mean your mom

My mom (or maybe MIL, who can keep track?) got me something called a ground meat chopper/stirrer for Christmas.  This is an item that has no reason to exist.  I can't possibly imagine using a normal spoon/spatula to break up and cook ground beef and thinking, "You know what? This just isn't working.  I have to invent a better utensil."  I'm obviously not remotely interested in going to the store to attempt exchanging it, so I tossed it in the utensil drawer, likely never to be seen again.  But then I was making tacos the other day and remembered it was in there so I gave it a whirl.  And you know what?  It works really fucking well, and I'll probably never use a regular spoon for this task again.  If course it's an extra thing to wash too, because you can't scoop the meat with it.  Thanks a lot, capitalism.

It does look like one of those Nerf darts. My kids saw it on the counter and thought it was a toy rocket.

My beef was fully thawed in this case so I can't comment on whether this utensil would help there, although I've definitely experienced that many times. 

So my neighbor called me this morning, and told me some story about how last night they got a delivery from Whole Foods that wasn't meant for them.  She called Amazon or Whole Foods or someone, and they said they don't take grocery orders back so she's free to either keep it, throw it away, give it away, whatever.  She tells me everything's been sitting outside in the cold, so there should be no concerns about temperature storage or anything, and that I can have it if I want.  I initially say thanks but no thanks, as I just dropped like $300 at the grocery store yesterday and don't think I need it or have room to store it.  She then explains that it's not groceries, but prepared meals, and that she and her husband are vegetarians so she thought of us rather than letting it go to waste.  I thank her for thinking of us, and tell her I'll come over to grab it in a bit.  I still don't know where I'm gonna put all this food, but figure what the hell, maybe it's something decent and I'll figure it out rather than making her throw it all away.

So I head over there a little while later.  There are 5 Whole Foods paper bags on her front porch; they all have the top folded down with a delivery sticker "sealing" them closed.  The bags have clearly not been opened, so why the fuck did she tell me it's prepared food that she can't eat?  She tells me to take a peek and take whatever I want.  So I open the bags... Every single one is filled with fresh fruit - apples, oranges, bananas, strawberries, blueberries, pears, papayas, and pomegranates IIRC - along with 4 organic dark chocolate/orange bars.  I tell her it's all fruit, and I'm happy to take it if she won't eat it, but that she should look first.  I figure especially as vegetarians, she'll probably want all this shit.  So she goes, "Oh... Let me go ask my husband."  She comes back out a minute later and says, "We'll take the blueberries."  Ummm, ok?  After repeatedly asking if she's sure she doesn't want anything else, I make my way home with a shit load of free fruit.  We'll probably eat most of it.

Cool story.

X-Post old people.

They're like 70-year-old Indian people. I assume the vegetarian diet is a religious thing and they're OG about it.