'Murica

Just one. The bar owners of our local didn't pay sales tax on time so they were shut down for a weekend. They lived above the bar and had a few of us over to drink for free on Sat night. 

I got hammered big time and drove the 5 blocks home. Fell out of the car when I opened the door. Couldn't figure out how to unlock the door to the house. Had to take a massive shit. The building was a four flat that my roommate owned. 

I pooped in front of the door to our friend from college who lived in one of the flats. Finally figured out how the door operated and unlocked it to go pass out. 

Woke up the next day running late to an in person fantasy football draft. Didn't have time to stop and clean up the shit. Got home from the draft and saw it was cleaned up. Later learned our buddy cleaned it up because he thought it was his dog's poop.